So I got to the head of the queue at Wetherspoon's and tried to place my food and drink order, "Table number?" asked the barman. "Oh, I haven't got one yet" I explained. "I can't take an order if I don't know where the food is going to go"
I looked round the busy pub, briefly contemplated finding a table upstairs somewhere, determining its number, coming down, queuing again, placing my order and hoping the table would still be vacant when I went back.
"I'm sorry", I said, "I'm in the wrong place" and left.